


Hidden reality

by Esh123



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Anxiety Disorder, Cute Friendship, Depressed Beomgyu, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other, Panic Attacks, Parent Death, Sad, caring members, idk how to tag, overprotective hyungs, shy Soobin, slightly suicidal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2019-11-15 01:45:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18064220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esh123/pseuds/Esh123
Summary: Beomgyu doesn't realise it , but he's developed anxiety after his mum's death . Thinking that he is nothing special and doesn't deserve to be in this group is only the beginning , it gets worse after he debuts. How will the other members deal with this once they find out this , but ultimately what will happen when they find out about his abusive past.( A whole load of angst and caring members )





	1. [1]

Time flew by ,there was only a few weeks until the 5 members were officially going to debut as txt. The two youngest were way too hyper , their hands swinging at their sides as they chased eachother all over the dorm room , despite retiring from the practice they had earlier.

Soobin was having a late night snack , precisely it was bread , meanwhile the sound of a dog barking echoed against the walls, it somehow belonged to Yeonjun , who was in another room , practicing this for their upcoming song 'cat and dog.'

Then there was Beomgyu, who was slumped on the sofa , his eyes flickering in the darkness . Refusing to keep them open , he caught glimpses of all the members working hard , bursting with energy. Then there was him.

He adjusted his position slightly and grabbed a pillow from beside him , which served him the comfort he desired. The grasp on the pillow tightened , letting out a small breath he muttered a few words.

"I wish I could be like them."

Upon staring into the distance , his eyes blurred and the thoughts within his head became present. All the other members in the group were always so hardworking , never letting their tiredness peak through eventhough they suffered due to all the hard practices. Even when appearing energetic to his managers , inside the dorms was were all the reality surfaced.

Beomgyu could never hide away his exhaustion Infront of the members . He had spent the whole day practicing the choreography and was the only one who spent excessive hours improving his vocals. He thought his dancing was just alright , his singing was alright , but there wasn't anything special about him.

He could never keep up with the others , never be as talented as them , never be good enough for his parents. He had never told the others that his mother had only died a few months ago and this was one of the events that constantly replayed through his mind. 

There was a time he was at the hospital when he held his mother's hands and promised her something . Promised her that he would make her proud and debut, it was his dream ever since he was little. But now Beomgyu felt that fulfilling this promise was something that was drifting away. 

 

There was also another thing , a person who ruined his past and stopped him from his achieving his dreams.

 

"Yah, Beomgyu-ah , is anything wrong?" Soobin asked , his fingers snapped Beomgyu out of his daze , a small hint of worry was present within his voice. Beomgyu smiled slightly and Soobin took a seat next to him.

"No hyung , everything's alright." Beomgyu gave him a thumbs up until his arms felt weak and slid back to his sides. Soobin furrowed his eyebrows , unconsciously without realising his fingers gently brushed through Beomgyu's hair.

Beomgyu felt his presence and looked next to him to observe the expression on the older's face. But Soobin had no intention to look the younger in the eye , he averted his gaze too embarrassed even if it was slight skinship ,he couldn't get used to it even if he tried.

Before heading back to the kitchen , Soobin glanced at Beomgyu. "If there is anything is wrong, you can tell me you know."

Beomgyu bit his lip. His true feelings felt like they would escape his mouth but his hesitation stopped it. If he told his members about his worries , it would only make him seem weak and he didn't want that to happen.

He turned his gaze towards Soobin who was close to entering the kitchen. " Hyung , Don't worry about me..." His words were interrupted.

"Beomgyu , I got you!" Kai mischievously grabbed onto Beomgyu's hoodie , lifting him from the sofa. He placed a little , pink heart sticker on his nose which Beomgyu lifted and enclosed it within his hand. Beomgyu was about to tell the Maknae off, until Taehyun interjected with his finer pointing towards Kai.

"Yah, Maknae-ah stop running around and wasting you're energy which could be used for practice tomorrow , pabo."

"But Taehyun , you're the one who first chased after me with the sticker , you... You traitor!"

Kai placed a firm hand on his shoulder and whispered into Beomgyu's ear whilst secretly guesturing towards Taehyun , who was rumbling on about how Kai should be more 'respectful to him.

"Beomgyu , listen to me I've got a plan , I'll distract Taehyun whilst you place that sticker on him from behind , okay."

"I can't be bothered." Beomgyu muttered under his breath. He sighed and fell upon the sofa , his head burried within the pillow.

"What do you mean you can't be bothered?" Taehyun questioned from the distance , looking slightly confused. Beomgyu knew Kai would be annoyed if he didn't go along with the 'plan' , So when kai looked back and gave him a signal , Beomgyu sat up and gave him a thumbs up.

Kai skipped towards Taehyun and greeted him with a wide smile , indicating he had thought of a distraction. He got his fingers and dived towards Taehyun , tickling him was an obvious way to distract him.

Taehyun was left helpless , giggling was heard all over the form. Taehyun tried to get kai to stop but his attempt was useless , until he thought he should just tickle the younger back. As their arms began to tire , they left eachother alone and tried to recover from their giggles.

But soon kai realised that his initial plan didn't seem to work."Yah , Beomgyu , where are you? My plan failed!"He turned behind and caught Soobin approaching Beomgyu.

"Aigoo , Beomgyu-ah if you wanted to sleep you could've gone to you're room." Soobin sighed upon the sight he witnessed , however a warmhearted smile was present afterwards. 

Beomgyu was curled up upon the sofa , his legs buckled and his hair a messed birds nest.His left arm was dangling down the sofa and the pink heart sticker was still enclosed within his hand. Kai tiptoed towards him and gently retrieved the sticker from his hand. 

"Got it!" He glanced at Taehyun ,a hand on his mouth suppressed him from giggles as he displayed the sticker Infront of Taehyun's eyes , causing him to back away. Then he ran towards him "I'm gonna get you!"

"Guys you're acting like little kids." Soobin ignored them and turned his attention towards Beomgyu .He wasn't sure how to do this , but he slid his arms under Beomgyu's small frame in an attempt to lift him up. Two exhausted eyes flew upon and stared directly at Soobin.

Beomgyu noticed a slight blush on his face and when he noticed Soobin's attempt to carry him , he scooted to the side.

"Hyung seriously , I'm not a little kid?"

 

"I-I did Nothing."

 

Soobin raised his hands and defended himself whilst Beomgyu chuckled at his shyness and tried to get on his nerves by pretending to fall asleep on the sofa again.

"Hey kid get up this instance."

 

"Whatever you say , eomma!"

 

"What did you say?"

 

"Huh me? I said nothing at all."

 

He then dragged Beomgyu off the sofa and escourted him to his room , his eyes fluttering and his expression relaxed. Soobin opened the door and gestured him to go inside. "Now go and get some sleep , we've got a big day tomorrow."

Beomgyu sleepily nodded his head and Soobin retreated back to the other two , occasionally looking back to keep an eye on Beomgyu. When the whole corridor fell into silence , he let out a sigh of relief , "Beomgyu's been working the hardest out of all of us , hasn't he."

Despite his drifting vision ,Beomgyu was aware of the door handle . After many attempts of opening the door , he strolled inside. Captured in the darkness of the room , he noticed something was off , something was eerie. He roamed around , desperate to find the switch.

Instead he found himself around the edge of his bed. A peculiar sound was heard , the sudden shock caused Beomgyu to tense his muscles. His hand reached out towards a box of tissues , which was supposed to be his weapon.

"Don't you dare tell me there's a ghost in this dorm."

Beomgyu clenched his teeth , his hands wondering about in the darkness , searching for something better than box of tissues. But then his hands brushed against something unknown , sending him to vigilantly step backwards.

 

His pupils then dilated and his back collided with the wall. A black figure camouflaged within the pitch blackness , snatched his full attention. He stood there his whole mouth paralysed , a hand covering his mouth to stifle the scream.

 

The figure began to edge forward , gradually making its way towards Beomgyu . Unaware of his actions , the tissue box slipped from his hands and his body jolted. His fingers clenched onto the shirt of this unknown person, aiming to attack him.

 

His eyes widened , mind swirling creating hallucinations of terrible things that happened in the past

 

"Appa...."

 

Beomgyu felt his heart wrench , the colour draining from his face. Soju bottles , glass shattered , curse words were the consequences of his father if he couldn't hit a high note right and many other fragments of the nightmare of his childhood played through his mind , haunting him. Even if in reality the figures face was concealed within the dark , Beomgyu's mind transformed it into a horrifying sight which resembled his father.

 

Even if he was terribly petrified , his grasp tightened , refusing to let go . But he couldn't take it anymore , his sleep deprived mind was only able to focus on one thing , until a voice recalled him to understand his surroundings slightly.

 

"Yah , Give me a minute." 

 

Beomgyu's mouth was agape and was forced to step backwards. This voice was different from his father's , but it had been long since he had seen him and he might just be overthinking .Then his thoughts struck him with reality. What if this cruel monster was going to appear with a knife ? what if he was going to attack him when he least expected?

 

Then an image of his mum flashed before his eyes.

 

"Eomma."

 

His mother was the only person who could protect him from this person. The way she saved Beomgyu's was by appearing Infront of his father's sight , whenever his mother was around he wouldn't lay a single finger on Beomgyu , but when she vanished out of sight , the person who even claimed himself to be related to him , tortured him in an indescribable way.

 

His mother never knew a single thing about him suffering . She never knew the voice lessons that Beomgyu's father taught him ,were actually lessons were he was left to suffer. Nor did she know her husband only loved her , and not Beomgyu.

 

He slumped onto the floor , his whole head pounding due the fear. He turned his head and was able to make out a ruff outline of the figure and he inched forward longing for the figure to see his desperateness.

 

"I-I'm begging you.. please don't kill me , not for my sake , for Eomma's sake!"

 

The lights then flickered on , revealing something no one expected.

 

"Huh, What do you mean? Oh wait Beomgyu-ah!"

 

Beomgyu was left dumbstruck , he rubbed his eyes to make sure he was registering this correctly and shot up from the ground like nothing had happened. He dashed towards the direction of the voice , a nervous chuckle left his mouth.

 

"Yeonjun hyung , I can't believe it was you , seriously!" He exclaimed , a hand planted on his shoulder , consumed with laughter . But this laughter was just a cover.

"Yeah I guess kind of fell asleep on your bed , whilst I was practicing."

 

yeonjun's light-hearted tone shifted.

 

"Beomgyu , are you alright?"

 

"Yeah , why are you asking hyung?"

 

"You're crying."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rly dunno what I'm doing with this fanfic . It's been so long since I've written something like this , since TXT came out my mind has been exploding with ideas about all these cute members. Sorry if this isn't so interesting , I hope the next chapters will be better and maybe more angsty and dramatic. I know it is a bit too early to be shipping members but I really like shipping Soobin and Beomgyu who's my bias. (Not romantically though) 
> 
> Also if u were some of the first viewers I edited this chapter alot.
> 
> Anyways hope you like this and plz vote and leave comments evethough my work is not the best. P.s the title is temporary , anyone got any good ideas?
> 
> Saranghae : )


	2. [2]

"Beomgyu , are you alright?"

 

"Yeah , why are you asking hyung?"

 

"You're crying."

Beomgyu's trembling hand gradually reached up , caressing his pale cheek until his fingers brushed against an unexpected damp substance which spilt from his evident , dull orbs. His eyes widened , how could these be his tears , was he really crying ?

 

Was he really this afraid of his father?

 

A tissue was brought to his face , instantly it brought Beomgyu to direct his attention to Yeonjun , a mixture of a flustered but more so worried expression present on his face. Alerted by this , Beomgyu's lips curved into a convincing small smile , masking his emotions.

Beomgyu delayed his words for a bit , until he regained a much more positive expression reflecting the reason for his tears. "Its just..I'm just so happy we get to debut hyung." 

 

The lie slipped out , smooth and sly.

 

A chuckle left his mouth , Beomgyu tensely stared at the floor , a single drop of sweat fell from his forehead as he tried to display his fake expression. He emphasized his joy by distancing his hands wide apart , indicating how much he was overwhelmed by the fact they were 'debuting'. Beomgyu looked up to feel sense of relievement when he was assured that Yeonjun was persuaded by his cover.

It was kind of true , but in this case , it wasn't.

"That's a relief."Yeonjun sat on the bed , his fingers flowed through the soft duvet , whilst Beomgyu awkwardly sat himself beside him. Beomgyu shuffled to the side and threw the wet tissue in the bin , then brought himself back to his original position.

"Silly me , I thought you were crying cause you were sad or something.." A slow smile formed on Yeonjun's lips as he eyed Beomgyu out of the corner of his eye. He swiflty rose from the bed and turned round to face Beomgyu , returning to his unfinished sentence. "But I was wrong , weren't I?"

Beomgyu's mouth hung open momentarily , before his lips forged another ,beaming smile. However it wasn't able to supress the nervousness lingering within him and caused him to stutter "Y-Yeah , hyung."Beomgyu was able loosen his stiff posture , noticing Yeonjun didn't detect his hesitation.

Upon opening up the door , a peculiar sight of something or infact someone flashed before Yeonjun, causing him to furrow his eyebrows . His hand immediatley extended to the light switch beside the door frame as a loud thud echoed in the corridor. A pale light diminished the darkness , revealing a familiar looking mortified expression , who had attempted to conceal his presence.

"Aigoo , Soobin , you're face right now is way too funny." Yeonjun brought a hand to his mouth, trying to supress his laughter but failed too , leading Soobin to try and compose his embarrassment as he rose from the floor , muttering the words 'stop laughing' under his breath.

Beomgyu arrived to the scene , his arms folded over another clearly portraying that he was not amused at all."Don't tell me you were here , hiding behind the door all the time Soobin." He shot a glare at him , which Soobin avoided by directing his gaze at floor.

Yeonjun then bidded them a goodbye , drowsily returning to his own room and firmly closing the door shut. Now it was only the two of them and Soobin had broken the silence as he began to speak , his eyes still not leaving the floor.

 

"I was wondering .."

 

"Yeah" Beomgyu interjected

 

The younger placed his hands In his pockets ,observing how Soobin was apprenhensively playing with his fingers , almost as if he was pondering upon something quite serious. His hands then fell to his sides, as for his intense eyes , they absorbed Beomgyu , unwavering.

 

"You were screaming in there , why were you calling your Eomma and Appa , did something..."

 

"Oh that!" Beomgyu raised his voice unintentionally , his hands thrown out of pockets now sheepishly scratching his neck. Although His tense movements may have been undiscovered by Yeonjun , Soobin had registered them. Whilst waiting for a response the atmosphere between them became tight , strained.

 

"I was talking aloud to Yeojun-hyung and debating wether he is more like an Eomma or Appa , I think he's more motherly so.." 

 

"Please don't lie."

 

A strong grip on Beomgyu's shoulder , forced him to look directly at Soobin , his words no longer being able to leave his mouth. The older sent him a disappointed , questioning look which Beomgyu dodged and instead thought of other distractions in his head.

Soobin's hands travelled down , he slipped his fingers into Beomgyu's palm , picking up the cold surfacing the younger's hand. Trusting himself , Soobin thought this was the right action to get the desperate truth out of Beomgyu.

 

"Lying will just make it.."

 

"I'm not lying."

 

Soobin trembled , not knowing if he should continue this conversation

 

"Just trust me Beomgyu , if something is wrong you can.."

 

"Just , SHUT UP!"

 

Beomgyu spat , his voice lashing out ,defining his utter annoyance . In a few seconds he freed his hands , a flicker of irritation remained within his eyes . His teeth were clenched until he glanced at Soobin . These emotions had now slightly subsided . He had now realised.

His hands clasped his mouth , his unsteady eyes rushing to turn away. Only now , Beomgyu's mind replayed his regretful words which were unintended. His body shifted , his only intention to get away from here.

Beomgyu bolted , his fingers finding the knob of bedroom door , his feet pounded against the wooden floor of the corridor.

 

"I'm..."

Beomgyu resumed his shaking voice.

 

"I'm really sorry hyung."

 

The door gave way and Beomgyu briskly slid inside , firmly concealing it afterwards.

 

...

 

 

Darkness's filled the room , everything was peaceful and quiet however this was still not enough to get Beomgyu to surrender to sleep. The warmth of the bed sheets swept past his slim frame , as for his unblinking eyes , all they absorbed was the blackness of the night.

He shifted on to the other side of his top bunk. Beomgyu squinted, allowing him to make out faint outlines of the some of the other members which he shared the room with. A sigh left his mouth as he returned to his original position.

Beomgyu tried not to think about what happened with Soobin, but his thoughts disobeyed this and were filled with exactly that. He bit harder into his lip. This wasn't the only thing that was bothering him. It was the thing that he tried so hard to keep uncovered with his stupid lies.

 

"I'll apologise again tomorrow." He whispered to himself

 

Without being aware of it , Beomgyu felt a sense of unease blanket him, making him shiver . His eyelids became heavy and heavier. Beomgyu burried himself into the duvet , but that didn't serve him any comfort.

Soon Beomgyu was dragged into a nightmare . A nightmare that had chosen right now as a sufficient time to strike.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was kinda shit. I don't really know where I'm going with this n I dunno if I'm gonna write more chapter since I'm finding it kinda hard to write. Hope you still like this chapter tho. Comments and kudos are really appreciated.  
> Thank you  
> : )


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